Over waffles the next morning, Pittypat was lachrymose, Melanie was silent and Scarlett defiant.
—Gone With The Wind, by Margaret Mitchell
I took Frank up on a great idea last night. I increased the stock price and quarterly profits of Bed Bath & Beyond.
In class yesterday Frank said that because the chicken has inspired us to be good students and human beings and after all that he’s been through this year … what with people dropping him on the floor and not catching him and him hitting the wall and some people disrespecting him by pulling some of the stuffing out of that weird hole near its butt … that we ought to get a pillow that he can rest on when you get him thrown at you. Frank said a little pillow that we can put him on. A little pillow.
Frank’s classmates thought that was a great idea.
I liked the sound of it, too.
I had asked the perky gal at the cash register where the decorative pillows were.
She said back there on the left and all along the wall and in some piles.
I said thank you. I had no idea pillows you’re going to use in class to put a rubber chicken on cost so damn much. I spent some time finding just the right one. I wondered how much I had in my checking account and then I remembered I have that overdraft feature that works real well and often.
Today I pulled the pillow out of the big Bed Bath & Beyond plastic bag after making some dramatic remarks about the role of the chicken in our personal and academic and social lives and how much the chicken has been through this school year, too, and how we’ll honor him for the rest of the year with this pillow I got.
They started clapping even before I pulled the pillow out.
I pulled the pillow out and here are the remarks uttered by those who were filled with hope and inspiration and awe …
- What the!
- Oh … my God!
- That’s stupid!
- Purple would be better because that’s the color of royalty
- That’s what I’m talking about
- What the cluck?
It’s a special pillow and already dear to my heart. It called to me in that store. The top part is covered in a silver fabric that looks like an artisan pounded silver for one hundred years with a hammer and applied the silver to our pillow. There are some graphic swirly things in the background … and there are some little sequin-like things that poke out of the silver part and are real pretty, but they also serve to hold the chicken nice and steady on the top of the pillow.
I held the pillow up beside my head as if I was an assistant on a game show in charge of holding up all the prizes by my head and smiling. Petal was all of a sudden real angry at me because I spent $39.99 on a stupid pillow for a dead rubber chicken.
Next Entry ... February 8: History Mystery